


Split

by cleighc



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cloud Watching, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Doujutsu, F/M, Friendship, Interrogation, Mental Instability, Schizophrenia, Slow Burn, Strong Haruno Sakura, Torture, Unnecessary Gore, shogi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleighc/pseuds/cleighc
Summary: Based off of theories made about the power of the mind in the recent movie "Split". Haruno Sakura has always had a fractured mind, but trauma and circumstance continue to fracture it. This is an in-depth look at Sakura with Dissociate Identity Disorder.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This is a bit of a plot-bunny run away from me. Please let me know if you think this story has any potential! Just so you know, I'm not 100% positive where the relationships/friendships are going to end up, but we'll figure it out together. And just in case it needs to be said, as a disclaimer, I do not own Naruto. If I did the ending would have been much different.

“The problem with having problems is that ‘someone’ always has it worse.”   
―Tiffany Madison

 

**Chapter 1: Daichi**

 

* * *

 

 

The invasion in Konohagakure following the Chunnin exams left large casualties in the civilian quarters. Her father died quickly, the blood and organs of his body oozing out between crevices in the rubble remains of their home, but Sakura was able to identify him by the wedding ring on his dismembered hand.

Her mother’s death took longer. Sakura sat in the empty, chilled, white hospital room, watching what little she could see of the blues and purples of blossomed bruises around her mother’s face through the breathing tube with trepidation. Her very existence seemed to hang on the steady exhales, and the constant beep of the heart monitor.

In the background were whispers. For _days_.

Soon Sakura couldn’t tell if the murmurs were coming from inside or outside of her head.

‘Her body is too damaged. She has lost too much blood. She won’t last a fortnight’.

‘I realize we are supposed to heal and protect our civilian population, but wouldn’t these resources be better used for the injured shinobi? The attack cut our forces. We need to heal what we have left so that the other hidden villages do not come after us.’

‘Poor girl. She knows there is no chance for her mother, right? Has she made reparations? Ria, go talk to her. Find out if she has somewhere to go.’

‘ _Why isn’t she saying anything_?’

‘She doesn’t respond. She’s in shock. But based on her records, she has no other family in Konoha. Where should she go? She is not the only orphan following the attack. The apartment set aside for other Genin in this situation is full.’

‘Maybe she could be allowed in the Chunnin apartment?’

‘Have they picked a new Hokage yet?’

‘ _She won’t talk’_.

‘Our village won’t last another invasion…’

‘ _Why won’t she move?’_

‘Is the new shipment of medical supplies here yet?’

‘ _She is helpless, isn’t she?’_

‘Isn’t she part of a genin team? Where are they?’

‘ _Fucking useless_.’

‘Who is her sensei? Contact him. Maybe he can help.’

‘ _Too weak to figure out her own shit_.’

‘Hatake Kakashi? Are you kidding? Like he would ever willingly enter a hospital unless he was on the brink of death.’

‘ _Why is she still alive_?’

Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Silence. Sakura watches as her mother’s chest doesn’t rise. _She can’t hear an exhale through the breathing tube_. Watches the flatline on the machine dispassionately. _The whispers stopped_. There is no flurry of activity. As if the nurses knew, and accepted her mother’s death as inevitable.

She feels empty.

Sakura doesn’t remember standing or leaving the room, but suddenly a masked man is standing in the hallway in front of her. His only visible eye crinkles in false cheer. “Are you here to see Sasuke? His room is just down the hall, last door on the right. Can’t miss it.”

She remembers looking up and seeing him, noting the familiarity of his hair and the angle of his face, his purposely casual stance that doesn’t hide the fact that he is distributing his weight evenly between the soles of his feet for better balance and dexterity (even off the battlefield). But she doesn’t recognize him.

He must have noticed something wrong, because he frowns at her minutely, but then his face is filled with the same cherry false reassurance the nurses typically displayed to her face ( _not like the whispers made behind her back_ ). Sakura hated it, and wondered if this man whispered about her too. Barely paid attention to the empty platitudes, “Sasuke will be perfectly alright, there is no reason to look so glum…hurry, Naruto should already be there…”

The names jolted her somewhat, and a shadow of indignation slowly uncoiled in her chest.

Sasuke and Naruto.

_Why isn't he asking about her?_

Why does everything have to be about Sasuke and Naruto? What about Sakura? Didn’t she deserve some reassurance for her suffering? Was this pain not enough? Or was it less about the degree of suffering, and more about the general lack of importance that was _Sakura_?

Weak. Annoying. Pathetic. Not worth the time of her supposed teammates and sensei.

And they had certainly demonstrated that readily enough, haven’t they? She hadn’t even spoken to any of them since the end of the Preliminaries.

 _But they were all she had left_.

So it was with a resigned despair that Sakura followed the man into the room at the end of the hall. She barely remembers his muttered curse as he realized the room was empty. Then he murmured, “Come on, they’re probably on the roof…” as he opened the window on the wall opposite of the door and proceeded to walk up the outside walls of the hospital.

She followed, feeling as if she was attached to the man by a pull-string.

Once she got to the top, Sakura realized that two blurs of crackling energy were about to collide in a shower of orange and blue, but then the man beside her disappeared. He reappeared between the two, and suddenly Sakura could see her teammates gasping for breath, angrily trying to pull their wrists from their sensei’s grip. Two water towers posted on either side bore the brunt of the redirected energy.

Dimly, in the back of her mind beneath the shock and detachment, Sakura registered their actions through a new perspective. One that had nothing to do with prepubescent crushes, and had everything to do with her sudden familiarity with _fear_ , and _desperation_ , and _inevitable death_. In fact, as affected as she was by depression and disassociation, Sakura couldn’t even muster up any affection for her dark-haired teammate.

Their actions seemed like an act. A caricature of adult indignation and justification with all of the childish lack of forethought and deeper understanding of consequences. This was stupid.

Then, as if she realized for the first time that she did not _need_ to be around to manage them, she thought ‘They’re both fucking idiots, and I don’t have the time to put with their antics.’

She has more pressing concerns.

 _She is homeless_.

 _She is hungry_.

_Her mother’s dead body is cooling on a table somewhere downstairs._

As she pulled away to climb back down the hospital wall, she noted apathetically that she must have said some of what she was thinking out loud because the two boys were staring at her in confusion and affront. She couldn’t be bothered to care. She went inside a random window and turned to find her mother’s room.

The paperwork did not take long. She was allotted some monetary compensation for the loss of property, but a good chunk of that was used for funeral preparations. They did end up putting her in one of the Chunnin residence houses, but a social worker took her aside and outlined the consequences of a lack of affordable housing. These residence houses were better quality, but more expensive because their rates reflected the increase in pay a shinobi gets from jumping rank.

Sakura shifted in the hard plastic seat, muscles sore from sleeping in the hospital chair, dimly aware of her grimy unwashed hair as she listened.

She would need to work hard to be able to afford it. At least one D-rank mission a day, or a C-rank mission every three days.

Sakura nodded, a weird space between her ears that made her feel as if she had been hollowed from the inside out.

She found her new apartment with little fuss, barely furnished, but there was a bed and a dresser. She tried to sleep, she tried to eat, she tried to _cry_ , but all she seemed capable of was laying on the dusty comforter while staring off into space.

She spent the time wishing for impossible things. She wished she was extraordinary. Like these clan prodigies, who seemed to carry all of the benefits of living in a hidden village- doujutsu, extra training, family support. She wished she could have the skills to become someone that merited strength, reliance, affection. Wished that her advancement in rank didn’t seem like such an impossibility. Wished she could be like that Sand kunoichi who battled against Shikamaru in the finals; graceful, snarky, deadly.

Those things were easier to wish for than the life of her parents. That dream felt too weighted.

But in the end it amounted to the same thing. Sakura wasn't enough.  _Sakura_  couldn't handle the pain, and the stress, and the fear...  _Sakura_  wasn't strong enough.

The light around her eyes dimmed, and suddenly she was swept unconscious. Her dreams were dark. A circle of chairs filled with shadowy figures, half defined and without faces. They watched with an intensity that necessitated trepidation, and Sakura struggled to remember how to breathe.

 

* * *

 

 

She jolted into awareness and realized it was morning. Belatedly she made to roll over on the bed, and couldn’t stifle a gasp of pain. Her muscles were so sore, the smallest movement made her body _burn_. Sakura looked down in confusion and realized she was wearing different clothes. A black top with mesh sleeves, and black shinobi pants. Startled, she shot up in fear, and cried out from the pain. She looked around the room anxiously.

There were two more nondescript outfits in black or green and a flak jacket on top of the dresser, as well as a note. Sakura saw the paper, and forced herself to slide off the bed and shuffle towards the letter. The handwriting was neat and precise, an exercise in efficiency.

_Sakura,_

_You need to stop wearing red. The color, and the rest of your outfits, are impractical for a shinobi that intends to work in the field. I took the liberty of purchasing some clothes I deemed more appropriate, as well as other necessary supplies._

_Your muscles will be sore. I practiced exercises that worked out all of the major muscle groups. We need to improve your stamina, endurance, and strength as soon as possible. Eat the meat and vegetables I left in the fridge- dieting is nonsensical. Among the purchased supplies you will find muscle salves; I suggest you take a hot bath, put on the salves, and relax until noon. Your sensei ran into me last night and informed me that you have team practice at the usual time and place._

_I will be back again. In the meantime, practice with the weapons you were introduced to at the academy. Practice until your arms feel like they will come off. Practice until throwing and meeting the target precisely is as easy as breathing. You will heed my advice if you want to stay alive._

_Until next time,_

_Daichi_

_P.S. Feel free to leave a note on our dresser for me if you have any questions or concerns._

Sakura was numb. Then she looked around belatedly, and realized that there was indeed a small pile of supplies in the corner of the room. Getting closer Sakura could see a small pile of wires, tags, and bombs, empty fuinjutsu scrolls and a small calligraphy set, and a medical pack filled with bandages, salves, a makeshift splint, and a few bottles of pills. There was also a small assortment of weapons; a dozen kunai, a dozen shuriken, two dozen senbon, two tanto, a katana, a naginata, two tonfa, and a kubotan, of all things.

Sakura was in a state of disbelief. How did this all get here? It was undoubtedly expensive. A wash of dread filled Sakura and she just about tripped her way back to the dresser.

Her wallet was noticeably emptier.

Sakura called for her Inner, but there was no response.

Fuck.

She sat back on the bed, knuckles white, hyperventilating, and considered her new reality. She had done research about personality disorders before, of course, once she realized that not everyone has an alternate personality occupying their head. She had always been the one in control, however, so had not been concerned about her inner’s presence. Sakura should have realized that this was an indication of mental instability on her part, an inability to handle stress and cognitively cope with her inadequacies. But she didn’t anticipate tripping right into Dissociative Personality Disorder.

That was the only explanation. Someone else had used her body, bought things with her money, had spoken to her sensei on her behalf without creating suspicion, left a note in a different handwriting that spoke of her familiarly… She would have suspected a jutsu like that of the Yamanaka clan, but she would have been consciously aware in the duration of a ninjutsu. She had never heard of a technique that completely took over someone’s body without the victim’s awareness that did not necessitate their death. And besides, why would they? On _her_?

She was fucking scared.

The loss of control made her anxious and jittery and afraid. But what could she do? If she went to the hospital and admitted her condition, she would no longer be a shinobi. That meant she would no longer have a team (who still, somehow, carried the possibility of support), and she would no longer have a source of income. She would be alone and homeless.

So she had to cope. At least this personality, this Daichi seemed invested in her survival. She couldn’t name anyone else who fit into that that category at the moment.

So it was with that bitter resignation that Sakura followed the note to a t. She made herself a robust meal of chicken, vegetables, and rice. She took a long bath, administered some salve that advertised pain relief and anti-inflammatory properties, and settled back into bed. It was then that she noted a book on her bedside curiously. It was about the theory and application of chakra control, and Sakura settled in with avid interest.

She finished the book with an hour to spare before practice. She then tried on her new ‘shinobi appropriate’ clothes, and admitted to herself that the extra pockets in the flak vest _were_ rather convenient. And Sakura supposed at this point convenience and survival was undeniably better than thin, flattering clothes and death. She attached one of the belts next to her supplies and tossed in kunai, shuriken, and senbon- the generalized requisite Academy introduction into bukijutsu. And then with one last depressive glance around the empty apartment, _she is alone_ , Sakura made her way to the training grounds.

Naruto and Sasuke were both there, and Sakura realized she was actually two hours late (but one hour early compared to her sensei). Apparently this Daichi was aware of Kakashi's notorious inability to be anywhere on time. Sasuke granted her a look of annoyance, which she ignored, and Naruto pouted and loudly complained about the fact that Shikamaru was made a Chunnin, while he had to stay a Genin, which was so _unfair_ after he won his fight… she ignored him too.

Sakura intended to train with her weapons, but first she wanted to try something out that was mentioned in the book. The next step after tree climbing; water walking. She walked out towards the edge of the water beside their bridge and watched the waves dispassionately for a few moments. And then she tried the method mentioned in the book- gathering chakra evenly over the sole, and attempting to match the swirling volatile chakra that was the river.

Her first few tries were unsuccessful, and Sakura glared down at the wet hem of her pants and the squashy squeaks that came out of her sandals in irritation. Slowly, she started to get it though. When she concentrated, Sakura could feel the chakra distribution of the water, and inherently aware and in control of her own chakra, she was able to match it. First she was able to stand on the edge of the river bank, and she slowly made her way towards the river’s center.

Once she became more comfortable taking small, wary steps, Sakura started to walk faster and faster, until she realized she was sprinting across the water’s surface.

She barely realized she was grinning. She did it, in less than ten minutes, and the victory of her efforts were able to distract her from her painful, achy muscles. The joy was almost able to break through the surface of her recent dispassion. That was, before she could hear the whispers.

‘How did she do that, Teme?’

‘She has to be good at _something,_ Dobe.’

‘It looks so cool though…’

‘Tch. Not really.’

 _‘She is nothing special’_.

She looked up and saw that the boys were watching her from the river bank, and that their sensei was fast approached.

“Yo.” He called out to them, before watching Sakura return towards them with interest. She felt hopeful that perhaps, finally, she would be worthy of some kind of acknowledgement.

Naruto spoke up before he could say anything else. “Ne, sensei, how did she do that? I want to do it too.”

“That was an example of chakra control, Naruto. Much like the tree climbing exercise we worked on in Waves.”

“Oh, yeah! I totally mastered that exercise, so this should be easy, right sensei? After all, it only took Sakura-chan a few minutes to get it right.”

Kakashi smiled indulgently. “You can certainly try, although I should remind you that Sakura has better chakra control than either of you.”

Sakura smiled. Sasuke scowled. Kakashi turned towards the boys with a permissive smile. “Would you both like to learn how?”

But they were already heading out into the river, grim determination marring the Uchiha, and bright optimism marking the Uzumaki.

Kakashi turned towards her. “Right, well this will probably take all day. Why don’t you go home, Sakura, and get some rest?”

Sakura barely stopped herself from pursing her lips. “You don’t think I should train?”

Kakashi blinked. “Well, you can if you want. I just saw you out late last night, and figured you might be tired. What do you want to work on?”

“Bukijutsu.” Sakura felt young, like she was whining her request. She hated it.

Her sensei nodded. “Ah. Well, you can practice on the training poles over there. I’ll make my over there and see how you are doing after I help the boys.”

Sakura was relieved and excited. Finally, he seemed to be taking her training seriously. _He was looking at her_. She made her way over to the poles, and took out the shuriken first. What followed was exercise in aim and consistency. She chose one distance and angle, and she threw until she stopped missing. She threw until the angle was just right and they all dug deeply into the wood. And then she picked out a new distance and a new angle and tried all over again. It was harder than usual, considering her sore muscles, but she didn’t give up.

Kakashi came over once to fix her stance, which he stated should better allow her body to snap the weapon while remaining loose enough to dodge an enemy strike.

Sakura was grateful, and fixed her stance. He nodded, and that was the last she saw him for three hours.

She switched to kunai because the larger weapon wasn't so rough on her fingers, and spent another couple of hours crouching and pivoting the weapon. Kakashi glanced at her once, nodded, and then laid down comfortably on the grass with a familiar orange book.

By the time the muscles in her arms were shaking so bad she could no longer even hold a weapon, the late afternoon light was beginning to color the sky orange, and all of the boys were still by the river edge. She made her way over to them, but none of them seemed to notice. “Sensei, I’m going to the library.”

He gave her a distracted wave, not even looking up. The disappointment of the day and all of her failed expectations seemed to sink into her at that point, and she felt something in her stomach drop unpleasantly.

She tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. She tried to tell herself that she couldn’t feel anything, had no reason to care, as she made her way through the training grounds. But a weight settled between her shoulders that spoke of despair and failure, and Sakura rushed to the library to find scrolls about genjutsu (one of the most prevalent manifestations of chakra control, according to her new book). She would let the new information drown out her feelings.

_She wants to feel numb._

 

* * *

 

Kakashi considered his three students as he walked towards the bridge, the position of the sun overhead marking it as midday. He wasn’t _too_ late, right?

Of course not. They were still there, after all.

Naruto was hopping along the bridge railings looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. Kakashi smiled inwardly at his naiveté and his innocence, which somehow managed to persist following recent events. He felt an echo of pain when he considered who the boy reminded him of, and then forcefully pushed that thought away.

He could always lament at the comparison at the Memorial Stone later tonight.

Sasuke was sitting at the foot of the bridge, absentmindedly twirling a kunai in his left hand. His expression was contemplative, but his posture was tense and the twirling anxious rather than lazy. His behavior, when compared to the blonde, was obviously affected by recent events, and Kakashi couldn’t help but feel a very familiar sense of dread curl in his stomach when he considered how the teenager would express that angst. Still carefully observing the boy's behavior, Kakashi noted that the Uchiha heir made it a point to look out into the distance ahead of him, but every minute or so his gaze would fix on his female teammate and his brow would furrow in consternation.

Kakashi followed his gaze until it met the only kunoichi in their group. Sakura no longer spent her time idly, and he watched as she threw kunai into a log several yards away, her posture perfect and her aim precise. She was the most obviously affected- in fact, recent events seemed to have changed her into an entirely different person. Her clothing style changed, and she was suddenly wearing nondescript greens, blacks, and greys. She seemed anxious at the possibility of an attack and thus always looked over-prepared, the pockets of her flak vest and utility belt full and a pair of storage scrolls permanently attached to her hip. Her hair was tied back, her bangs pinned under her forehead protector; this style made her look unusually withdrawn and serious, but there was an anxiety in the set of her eyes that spoke of unrest. And, most notably, she seemed to have forgotten that Uchiha Sasuke even exists.

Kakashi knew he had reason to worry about them both, but so far Sakura’s coping mechanisms seemed to be the healthiest. Her desire to train was not surprising, but he assumed that what growth she would be able to accomplish perfecting the basics might be able to give her the reassurance she would need to return to normal.

He could admit to not having taken her training seriously so far as her sensei, but he mentally justified that was in response to her attitude. The Sakura of before did not spend every minute of her day on self-cultivation. She didn’t not have the motivation to better herself. So even if he had spent all of his time poured into teaching her jutsu and taijutsu exercises, it would not have actually helped her to improve.

Now that she had the interest and the drive, he might have more success. If she continued to be interested after she had handled her anxiety, that is. But first he had to deal with his other problem child, who could no longer use training as a coping mechanism because he felt as if he wasn’t making progress fast enough. Sasuke’s frustration was easy to see, but all of Kakashi’s hints about not pushing himself seemed to fall on deaf ears. And considering the boy had just been handed a cursed seal that offered an increase in power without any hard work on a silver platter…

So Kakashi had been making attempts to keep the Uchiha’s interests in Konoha. And this was but one of the ways he had justified the direction of his attention. The Uchiha lacked any kind of a support network, with no friends or family inside the village, so Kakashi knew how important it was to emphasis the team’s bonds as well as the relevancy of the village’s strength.

And what better way to strengthen a bond between boys than through rivalry?

“Alright boys! Today we are going to spar. And as an incentive? I will teach the winner a new jutsu.”

They both looked interested. Good.

Sakura spoke up from behind him. “Just the boys?”

He turned around and considered the pinkette. She looked tired, but serious, pulling on a set of gloves he had never seen her wear before. Kakashi found himself nodding absentmindedly. This could be a good way to see how far she had gotten training alone, and give the boys confidence following her defeat. “You can all participate. Winner takes all.”

“Alright!” Naruto said enthusiastically, throwing his arm up into the air in his excitement. Sasuke just looked at Sakura through narrowed eyes. The pinkette ignored him.

“What are the rules?”

Kakashi ran his fingers over his chin, pretending to think. “Hm. Well taijutsu might be too unfair, so…. All out?”

Sasuke’s interest was back. Sakura just gave him a grim nod. Naruto grinned.

The three faced each other.

And then the boys sprung forward, and Sakura sprung backwards, an exploding tag wrapped around a kunai already in her hands. She threw it, and the three were forced back.

Naruto went after Sasuke, creating half a dozen clones almost absentmindedly as he threw himself at the Uchiha. Half of those clones came after Sakura, who engaged in some basic taijutsu exercises. Although the moves were nothing fancy, there was a fluidity and power behind her hits that spoke of recent strength training, and one clone was hit hard enough to disperse entirely.

Kakashi didn’t realize that she had punched the clone with chakra until she did it again on the next one. He did note the look of surprise on her face that spoke of the technique as more as a happy surprise than a premeditated assault, and wondered when she had learned how to channel chakra into her hands. Although considering he taught her how to do it to her feet, perhaps the intuitive leap wasn’t too surprising.

Sasuke was gaining on Naruto, simply too fast for the blonde to be able to handle. A well-placed kunai jab eliminated all of his clones, and the real Naruto kept having to throw himself out of the way, or quickly use a substitution jutsu.

Another exploding tag appeared that reminded the boys Sakura was still around. She then carefully formed the seals of a basic Earth jutsu, before stating, “Doton: Iwa Tounyuu no Jutsu!” Earth around her shot up into the air and flew towards both of the boys.

They scattered, and Sasuke retaliated immediately. “Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu.” Sakura dodged the giant fireballs with aplomb, and then Sasuke was forced to dodge Naruto’s fist and Sakura’s kunai.

Sasuke then went after Sakura, apparently deciding to take care of her before focusing his efforts on his other male teammate. They engaged in taijutsu, but Sakura was obviously overpowered. She did her best to keep up, and was doing remarkably better than the last time they had sparred- Kakashi considered when the last time that was. Three months ago? Four?

But it was only a matter of time before he completed a move that served to knock her out and push her body towards the tree edge. Sasuke didn’t even bother to look her over beyond determining that she was unconscious, before turning towards Naruto. They resumed their spar.

Kakashi was still looking at Sakura, trying to determine the severity of the damage, and was surprised to see her sit up and then stand. The way she was standing, though, and the look in her eyes… He thought she might be concussed. Her eyes were much darker than their usual viridian green, and her gaze was coldly assessive as she considered both boys. Her stance was much wider than usual, and there was an efficiency in her movement that spoke of an intuitive proficiency he knew Sakura had never had.

Perhaps he was just seeing things. Always looking for the ‘underneath the underneath’ was an exhausting perspective, and he could readily admit to having been hasty in his approximations in his youth.

He would just let things play out.

Curious, he kept his eyes on his female student. Sakura stalled. Crouching, obviously waiting for an opening. After several minutes she found one, and with a speed Kakashi would have been positive was beyond her, she shot between them and knocked both boys out with just the right application to a select few pressure points. He recognized her attack; it was a common jounin technique when capturing civilians or lower ranked nin. But how would she know it?

Both boys dropped, and the girl approached. The closer she came, the darker her eyes appeared, which had him rather concerned.

He pretended to play his concern off. “It seems we have our winner. Are you ready for a new jutsu?”

Her gaze stayed dispassionate, and when she spoke her tone was darker and more monotone than usual. “I would like you to teach me a genjutsu. And I would prefer it if you taught it to me the next time we meet. Would that be permissible?”

Kakashi felt his eyebrow raise in confusion at the differences in her speech, but he just nodded. And then she was gone, half a seal on her fingers marking a transportation jutsu.

Well, now he was a bit flabbergasted. What in the world was that?

He would need to figure it out the next time he saw her.

Both boys stirred and sat up at the same time.

“What was that?” Naruto complained.

Sasuke looked over to where Sakura’s body had fallen after his attack. “Where is Sakura?”

“She left.” Really, what else was there to say?

“Hn.”

“We must have hit each other at the same time.”

Sasuke scowled in agreement.

“Well, sensei? Are you still going to teach us a jutsu? Since we tied for first after all?”

Kakashi spent a good minute thinking it over, before the restlessness of Sasuke’s fingers and the growing disinterest of his expression swayed his opinion. He mentally thanked her female student for asking for a later demonstration. “Well, I suppose fair is fair. Come here you two…”

 

* * *

 

The next time Kakashi saw Sakura, which was midday several days later, her legs and arms were covered in bandages and she had progressed far enough in her bukijutsu to begin throwing kunai at already thrown kunai in order to change their angle and hit multiple targets. By the purse of her lips and the wrinkles on her forehead, Kakashi could tell that the exercise was not an easy one for her, but she approached it systematically by degrees, and took careful note of how those small changes affected the angle.

He could tell that this approach would take at least three times as long, but it would also guarantee a much higher degree of accuracy later on.

He approached the three as he usually did. “Yo.”

Naruto was the only one now who called out, “You’re late, Kakashi-sensei!” in an accusatory manner, and Kakashi found that he somewhat missed the small chorus of aggravated voices.

“A black cat crossed my path, so I had to go the long way…”

“Liar!”

Kakashi shrugged and gave them what he hoped was an enigmatic smile. “So, for today, I want you boys to practice the ninjutsu you learned the last time we met. Sakura, you and I are going to practice a new genjutsu.”

Naruto immediately started to complain, and Kakashi could tell Sasuke agreed with him based on the set of his mouth. “That’s not fair sensei! I want to learn genjutsu too!”

Not for the first time, Kakashi was aggravated that he felt compelled to cater to the boy’s whims, but held firm this time. After all, Sakura was the one who had actually won the match, and he had a small interrogation to conduct.

“Everyone has an aptitude for different things, Naruto. I can safely say that Sakura would not be able to do the ninjutsu you learned because her chakra stores are too small. However, her control is much better than yours, which is required if you want to properly execute a genjutsu. This technique may be beyond your present capabilities.”

He should have known that saying it like that would make it into a challenge. One which both boys were very ready to participate in.

Kakashi wanted to growl in frustration. “I’ll tell you what. If you can both properly demonstrate that ninjutsu after I am finished working with Sakura, I will cast a genjutsu on you both. And if you can detect it, without using the Sharingan,” pointed looked towards Sasuke, “I will teach you the genjutsu. Agreed?”

Both boys nodded and turned away, and Kakashi couldn’t stop the sigh. “Alright, Sakura, come over here.” He led her to a small connected clearing, and sat down under the shade of a tree. His student followed his example.

“So, Sakura-chan. How have you been?”

He really wasn’t equipped to probe the emotional state of a teenage girl, but he would at least try.

Sakura looked back at him with a dispassionate gaze that he was sadly beginning to associate with her, head tilted. “I’m fine, Kakashi-sensei.”

He nodded, stretched lazily, and then- “Would you like to explain how you knew the technique you used against the boys during your spar?”

The girl froze and relaxed so minutely that it was almost imperceptible. But Kakashi was regarded as an elite shinobi for a reason. He continued to watch as the turn of her lips grew from anxious to mulish. “I have been reading about pressure points and medical ninjutsu. The books stated that those points would cause the person to briefly black-out. I thought I would give it a try.”

Kakashi tried not to frown suspiciously. Her execution was rather flawless for it to be considered an impromptu attempt made by a complete novice. And so far, Kakashi hadn’t witnessed any prodigal attributes in her that would indicate that degree of aptitude.

He would have to dig around, as she was obviously keeping mum on the subject. So accepting it at face value… “That was a very dangerous and reckless thing to do, Sakura. The wrong pressure point, and your teammates could have just as easily been killed.”

She blinked up at him apathetically, and Kakashi’s concern grew when he realized he couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy, concern, or guilt anywhere across her face. Just a hint of exhausted fear.

Perhaps she wasn’t dealing with the stress of recent events as well as he thought.

He continued. “So please refrain from using that method until you have had the proper training.”

Sakura nodded. “Would you be willing to give me that training?”

Kakashi paused, thinking. This could allow him the opportunity to better observe her mental state, while still acting as a demonstration of support. He could establish whether or not her actions during the spar had been a fluke, and ensure she didn’t accidentally kill any future teammates. And this wouldn’t require too much of a time commitment. He would still be able to help the boys, and find the very necessary time to devote to reading the latest volume of Icha Icha Paradise.

“Alright. We can start practicing pressure points next week. In the mean-time, I will sent over the titles of more books I think you should read before we get started. Sound good?”

The smile she sent him was more than a little surprised and slightly desperate, and Kakashi had to push away the crowding of a familiar guilt in his chest. He ignored the feeling and returned the smile, although he couldn’t help feeling as if the stretch of lips looked strained and unnatural.

“Now that that is settled, we should focus on genjutsu. This technique is called Dokuji no Gisou. It uses chakra and a visual illusion in order to blend your appearance into the surrounding environment, which can help you to evade detection.”

Sakura watched him thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t a strong enough opponent be able to detect me simply by locating my chakra?”

“Yes, but that is why most shinobi attempting to hide cloak their chakra.”

“How?”

At least she seemed a little more invested and less apathetic after his demonstration of interest… “How in tune are you with your chakra core?”

Sakura stared up at him with wide eyes. “I can feel all of my chakra.”

“Ah. Can you feel how your chakra interacts with the air outside of your body?”

The pinkette frowned, and then closed her eyes. He could feel the instant she spotted it- the waves exuding from her small frame became somewhat chaotic, and then more orderly. “I can feel it.”

“If you want to cloak your chakra, you need to draw that energy back into your body. The smaller the space containing your chakra, the less noticeable you will be.”

She nodded, her eyes still closed, and he could feel her attempts to reign in her chakra. It took five minutes of steady breathing and stark concentration creating lines on her face until he could feel the chakra retract into her frame. She paused, biting her lip as she probed her body, and then opened her eyes in triumph. “I did it.”

Kakashi stared the girl in front of her. This was rather impressive for the average genin, although he knew already that she had good chakra control. More than that, though, this was a display of determination and intuitive application. Perhaps he should not have been so surprised to see her actions the other day?

Although the speed of the interaction still niggled something in his brain.

He realized he still needed to respond, and the girl’s smile was dimming. He smiled again, and this time it did not feel so fake. “Good job Sakura.” He even leaned forward and ruffled her hair for good measure.

“Thank you Kakashi-sensei.”

Again that feeling of guilt swarmed his chest. To be so sincerely thanked for something so simple… still, there was a bit of pride in there too.

“Maa~ my cute little genin are growing up so fast- Now, in order to replicate this genjutsu, you need to be able to reproduce every sense of your environment. Focus on the smell and taste of the air, the feel of the moisture in the humidity, the texture of the bark behind you….”

He wasn’t surprised when she was able to successfully reproduce the genjutsu ten minutes later, while simultaneously cloaking her chakra as much as she was able. Unfortunately, he also wasn’t surprised when the boys were unable to spot them until Sasuke’s eyes flashed Sharingan red in annoyance.

 

* * *

 

 

Shikamaru couldn’t stop himself from sighing in exasperation as he walked with his team down the street. They were heading towards Yakiniku Q to meet Asuma-sensei and celebrate his recent promotion, and his team was _loud_ in their enthusiasm. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants, brushing the edge of his new Chunnin vest as he looked up into the sky. No decent clouds. What a drag.

His attention was called back by his teammate’s shouting. “Forehead! What the hell happened to you?”

His eyes snapped to the pinkette, and he could actually feel his head tilt curiously. He could see why Ino was surprised; Sakura looked utterly unlike the girl he had gone to class with for five years. This girl wore dark, nondescript clothing. Her lip was cracked and her fingernails chipped in a way he was sure horrified his teammate. She lagged in a way that spoke of sore muscles, and her arms and legs were covered in bandages in a way that spoke of weapons training with something much larger than a kunai.

Worst of all? The way her hands jittered anxiously, the way Ino’s voice caused her to fold in on herself defensively, the apathy present in the line of her mouth, and the _fear_ in her eyes…

Something was obviously very wrong.

Sakura’s response was lackluster. “Why do you care, Ino-pig?”

Ino’s was defensive. “I don’t! I just wanted to know if you were giving up on Sasuke-kun. Because, let’s face it, there is no way that he would go for someone who look like _you_ right now.”

Sakura’s eyes flashed oddly. Her next response served to further demonstrate this obvious change. “Have the Uchiha, Yamanaka. I don’t care.”

She swept away, barely maintaining a careful grasp on the pile of books and scrolls she had been lugging across the street.

One fell anyways as she dodged a sudden crowd of people, but she didn’t seem to notice.

Shikamaru considered ignoring it as his team continued down the road. He tried to convince himself of how much easier it would be to forget their confrontation with the pinkette, how troublesome it would be to follow after her and ask about what was wrong…

But he felt oddly concerned, and not-so-oddly curious.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he told his team to go on without him, and jogged the few steps to get the scroll before he was trailing after her. He caught up to her in a few blocks, grabbing her sleeve in order to get her attention, right before someone ran right into her and caused everything in her arms to drop to the ground.

There was a mumbled apology, before the teenager responsible ran off, and then Shikamaru was picking up scrolls and books. He noted the titles, and considered why Sakura was suddenly interested in physical chakra manipulation, fuinjutsu, genjutsu, and human anatomy and physiology.

He looked up to see Sakura staring back at him with a confused expression on her face. “Shikamaru-san?” she stated politely, gesturing wordlessly for her reading material.

Shikamaru shook his head, while inwardly mentally cursing himself. He wished he didn’t care so much right now. “I’ve got this. Just point me in the right direction and I’ll help you drop it off.”

He watched her body tense warily as she looked at him in bemusement. After a few moments, something like curiosity shaped her lips into a pout as she nodded reluctantly. “Alright. This way.”

After a few minutes, they entered an apartment complex that was clearly housing for single Chunnin, and Shikamaru shot Sakura a confused glance. She ignored him. Up three flights of stairs, and Shikamaru found himself in a living room empty of anything except a training mat and two tando. He followed her into an empty kitchen and the kunoichi gestured to a table and chair pushed up against the opposite wall. “Put it on the table.”

The books went on the table, and then Shikamaru turned to face her. He got right to the point- he had never really liked the process of exchanging useless pleasantries. “Are you okay?”

The smile she gave his was tense and dismissive. “I’m fine. Thank you for the help.”

Shikamaru knew that this was his opportunity to leave without intervening unnecessarily. He didn’t want to meddle. He really didn’t. But words were coming out of his mouth that sounded like meddling. “Are you sure? You don’t look like you have been sleeping. And why are you living here? Did something happen to your parents?”

She stared at him for a full minute before his words seemed to register, and then it was like something broke inside of her. Pain contorted her face, tears filled her eyes, and she collapsed. Literally. Sprawled haphazardly across the floor.

Shikamaru was uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. What are you supposed to do with crying girls again? He hadn’t had much experience; Ino rarely cried where they could hear her. He sank to the floor with her and started patting her back in what he hoped was a consolatory manner, but then her silent tears became sobs, and those sobs became cries of pain and anguish. She folded into herself.

Still uncomfortable, but very concerned and a little afraid of the sounds she was making, Shikamaru edged into her side offering some semblance of support. She turned and buried her head in his chest, and he froze. He could barely register the warmth, the proximity, and the noise with startled apprehension, before his hand came up to gently pet her head.

They were in that position long enough for his legs to cramp, but he stayed put until her cries eventually stopped and she pulled herself away from him. She looked at him, then, and the stare from her red eyes was intense in a way he hadn’t really experienced before. Intense as if she was attempted to communicate all of her desperate hope onto his being, as if he was the only thing in the world keeping her in some semblance of a whole piece.

It was disconcerting. It was frightening. It felt like responsibility and expectations, and while he was still mulling over the consequences of his visit here today, she grabbed his hand and whispered. “Thank you.” It was almost reverent.

Shikamaru just squeezed her hands, attempting to forget his nerves and unsure how she would take extricating himself, and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She frowned, and was silent for several moments in consideration. And then she agreed.

Sakura started by describing a set of civilian parents that didn’t care for her career choice, who raised her to be a ‘good girl’ who didn’t fight back and married the man of her parent’s choosing. She described her infatuation with the Uchiha as a rebellion; someone good-looking and talented, yes, but more than that someone _she_ chose, who acted both as the glue keeping her relationship with Ino alive and the courage behind the demonstration of independence that began her attendance at the Academy.

Her parent’s response was to limit her ability to train. They set a strict curfew and didn’t allow her to practice kata or weapons at home. The only part of academy training she was able to really practice was the kind that could be learned through books and scrolls.

“They made me into a paper ninja,” Sakura stated with a disparaging grin.

She knew that her lack of practice and lack of natural abilities for ninjutsu or taijutsu caused many of the kids at the academy to have a misperception of her. She knew it made her look like a worthless fangirl. She stated that she was doing the best she could with the resources at hand. She figured she could bolster those abilities later after she left the academy.

“I thought it would be easier to pick it up with the individualistic intensive training inherent with studying under a jounin. I didn’t anticipate Kakashi sensei’s first impression of me to forever shape his perception of me as someone too weak and undetermined to merit serious training.”

She didn’t realize the potentially serious consequences to this lack of training until her first mission out of the village.

“We couldn’t anticipate running into one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist. Who would? It’s only through Naruto’s special brand of harebrained ingenuity and dumb luck that we survived. And I was too weak to contribute.”

That originally marked a change in her investment in training, but it was only a few weeks of her frantic, clumsy attempts to increase her endurance with no real knowledge about _how_ to train before Kakashi informed them that they would be participating in the Chunnin exams. During which she almost died again.

“What was I supposed to do, a paper ninja and a recent graduate, against a Sannin? I thought for sure I was going to die.”

But she didn’t. She hobbled her way through, and didn’t last the preliminaries. She then described her isolation during that month before the third part of Chunnin exams.

“No one in my team contacted me. I still had no idea how to train. What was I supposed to do? And my parents thought that this was a fantastic opportunity to remind me of how worthless I would be as a shinobi, a guaranteed matchbox according to my mother, and how this failed exam was a sign that I should stop trying.”

And then came the finals. Facing Gaara. Watching people she had known from birth slaughtered in the streets. Coming to her house to see her father in pieces, and her mother barely breathing. The hospital. Her mother’s death. Her confrontation with her team. The more she spoke about this, the more her breathing staggered, her forearms tense as her fists clenched, her face scrunched into troubled lines.

And then finally she answered his original question. Her living situation.

“They ran out of room in the Genin apartment complexes. This was my only option.”

Shikamaru was slowly piecing together everything he knew of her before with this new information, and was busy drawing his conclusions. “So this training now…” he stated, looking pointedly at the edge of the training mat peeking out from behind the doorway.

Sakura was tense, her tone shaky. “I don’t want to die.”

“But you still don’t know how to train?”

Sakura shook her head in a slightly terrified manner. “I thought I would start by trying to perfect the basics. That,” she gestured offhand to the two tanto lying along the living room wall, “is just an act to familiarize myself with the weight and length before I ask someone to help me.”

“Do you know who you want to ask?”

Sakura curled up a little into herself again. “No. Because my parents were civilians, I don’t really have any established networks with competent shinobi.”

But that is why she had a jounin instructor. “Have you thought about asking Hatake?”

Sakura frowned. “It’s complicated. There is only so much he would be willing to teach me. And his first priority has always been the boys.”

Shikamaru frowned as well. He could definitely agree with that assessment, based on what he had been able to observe of Team 7. And he could see how this would be a troublesome situation. He looked at the pinkette, his gaze calculating as he considered how to word this next question. “Did you consider that your parents might be right?”

He halfway expected her to blow up in his face with anger and indignation, but she only sighed and rubbed her forehead, looking tired. “Of course I have. But this is something that I want to do. This is something that I _can_ do. And I am not completely without my talents.”

Shikamaru looked back at the table stacked high with texts. “Chakra control?”

Sakura smirked at him. “Clever boy.”

He snorted.

She continued. “I meant to say something to you about that, by the way. I enjoyed watching your match. Our peers are so inwardly focused that a lot of them seem to have problems utilizing the environment. And too many of them are so obsessed with winning that they don’t seem to understand the necessity of a tactical retreat. I can see why you were made Chunnin.”

They looked at each other for several awkward moments before he nodded, uncomfortable with the praise. “Thanks.”

Sakura shook her head. “No, thank you. For staying through my crying fest and a recounting of my entire life story. I’m sure it was troublesome.”

Shikamaru shrugged. He couldn’t really think of an appropriate response, because it _had_ been troublesome. Just not for the reasons that she probably anticipated.

And then he found himself considering his earlier reaction to her emotional burst. Now that he had context, he could better understand the depth of her despair. The death of her parents, the lack of support from her team, and the shock following a series of near death experiences was definitely enough to merit an outburst. In fact, it made him wonder about how _normal_ everyone else was acting in the aftermath of the invasion. Why hadn’t their perceptions changed in the same way hers had? Where was the desperation?

Still, he thought he might be able to help with her training problem.

“I was supposed to meet up with my team for lunch. Do you want to come?”

He could pinpoint the exact moment the depression, fear, and anxiety kicked back in as her face contorted and she began to raise her hands, an excuse on her lips.

He continued before she could say anything. “I thought that Asuma-sensei might be able to recommend someone to help you train. Considering who _his_ parents were, he has a rather extensive network.”

Instead of immediately acquiescing, Sakura bit her lip. “Ah, he was the Sandaime’s son, wasn’t he? How is he doing? This must be a rather difficult time for him.”

Shikamaru had not anticipated that response. But he tried to work with it. “He is grieving, as are many of us. I’m sure he would appreciate knowing that you care.”

Sakura looked surprised. “Really?”

Shikamaru sighed, before scooting just that bit closer to her. “Sakura? I am very sorry for the loss of your parents. I am sure you are having a very difficult time. Please know that if you ever need me for any reason, I will be there.”

Sakura immediately understood the implication, he could tell. If she felt better, why wouldn’t Asuma? But for that reason she seemed to doubt his sincerity. “Really?”

“Why else would I be here if I didn’t care?”

She stared at him for all of two seconds, before she rushed into his arms and gave him a tight hug. It lasted less than five seconds, but Shikamaru could tell she meant it. “Alright. Lunch. Lead the way.”

Shikamaru smirked, before heading to the front of the apartment.

“Wait! I forgot my pack. Just a sec.”

He waiting in the hallway as she sprung through her bedroom door with a lot more energy than he had seen from her thus far. He looked into the doorway curiously, and noted at least a dozen pieces of paper that looked like letters pinned to the wall above her dresser. What was that?

Before he could take a step closer, she came out wearing a flak vest and a stuffed pack, as well as a naginata and a sealing scroll.

“Do you know how to seal weapons?”

He did. He wondered why she didn’t know, before realizing that he had learned it from his father, and that it wasn’t something taught at the academy. He was then forced to consider how many other aspects of being a shinobi were left out of her education.

He taught her, and was a little surprised about how quickly she became adept.

“Alright!” she announced, “Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

 

To be continued…


	2. Daichi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are important.

“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”

― Robertson Davies

 

**Chapter 2: Daichi**

* * *

 

Ino was upset.

This morning had already been difficult. Apparently her mother was experiencing some serious issues allocating supplies for the flower shop, which resulted in an unexpected fit of tears and a nervous breakdown earlier during breakfast. Her mother had always been a bit emotional, so the act itself wasn’t surprising, but Ino was hurt to learn that her mother hadn’t shared any of her concerns with her family. She had just been stewing internally for two weeks with increasing desperation as all of her points of contact canceled their trade agreements, ‘on behalf of the instability of the area. A bad investment, you understand.’

She was very close to her mother. And Ino had always worked hard to make herself strong enough to be considered reliable. She enjoyed supporting others. She had been very happy to help her friends and Konoha’s citizens in the wake of the invasion, establishing temporary shelters and passing out supplies.

So to learn that her own mother hadn’t trusted her with her burdens was a substantial blow.

Normally at times like this, Ino relied on her father to bring her out of herself and help her realize the bigger picture. But he was very busy at the moment working with T&I, who had captured a substantial number of foreign-nin during the course of the invasion. He was barely home long enough to pass out on the futon he shared with his wife, and left just as the sun was started to breech the horizon.

So Ino was forced to turn to her other support network. Absentmindedly, Ino thanked whatever deity would listen that she had such a great team, and that said team was still alive.

She had been in the stadium during the Sound-Sand invasion. Ino had barely become consciously aware of the attack as a Chunnin nudged her out of the genjutsu, before one of the classmates she recognized from the academy that didn’t pass was struck between the neck several seats in front of her. She can still remember the sound of that gurgle, and the darkening of her eyes with absolute clarity.

Ino remembered throwing a kunai that had made a very lucky shot, and forcibly forgetting the blood coloring her hair as she started searching the crowd for Chouji and Shikamaru. Because they had been friends since they were toddlers, because they were _hers_ and the needed to be _together_.

And she couldn’t stop the thought that the death she just witnessed could so easily have been theirs. A realization that caused fear to curdle her stomach.

Which is why she was really looking forward to celebrating Shika’s recent promotion. If anything could drown out the pain of this morning and any memory of lingering nightmares filled with choked gurgles, it was the ridiculous antics of her closest friends. Thus, Ino had made herself a very happy bubble of ignorance as they headed to the restaurant, feeling her equilibrium settle for the first time since before the Chunnin exam.

But that bubble was popped quite mercilessly by the dispassionate gaze of one pink-haired girl.

Ino barely recognized her. Her short hair was tied back tight away from her face and covered with cloth, which muted the soft pink that Ino had always secretly envied. Her clothing style was dark, loose, and discreet. But more than that, Ino couldn’t stop staring at Sakura’s nails. Broken and uneven at the edge, and without their familiar gloss. Ino couldn’t help remembering a flashback of a sleepover a few years ago, where they had both giggled together over the best way to keep a manicure while still operating as a kunoichi.

The state of her nails felt like a surrender.

And everything else emphasized _change_ , which made Ino feel pathetically insecure and isolated. Which was infuriating...

And her eyes. The angst and apprehension. They were a reminder of the village’s recent tragedy. They demanded that she accept reality as they spoke of the same desperate fear that Ino felt waking up every morning, and Ino was upset to realize that she could feel the anxiety of her own experiences settle back into her psyche.

Dammit.

She lashed out without really thinking, still in pain.

But then Sakura’s response…

“Have the Uchiha, Yamanaka. I don’t care.”

The rejection _hurt_. Ino felt as if she’d been slapped. How could she? It was as if Sakura was dismissing her by insinuating that their shared obsession over the Uchiha heir had been the only real aspect of their friendship. As if they hadn’t spent hours brushing each other’s hair, and painting each other’s nails, whispering about their dream weddings, and gossiping about the dramatic differences in kunoichi clothing styles over the five shinobi nations…

Ino came to the stark realization that she didn’t know or like this person. This version of Sakura, that reeked of stress and fear, and the inevitability of change.

Ino wanted to feel better. She wanted to shake the thoughts loose from her head that said things like, ‘Look at this, another person who was supposed to be close to you that couldn’t rely on you’ or ‘Your friendship meant nothing if it is so easy for her to walk away’. So she nudged the boys ahead, trying not to let the angst show on her face.

But then Shikamaru left. She stood by the curb, and watched him pick up a scroll and dart after the pinkette with a sinking feeling in her gut that grew cutting.

It felt like a betrayal. Shika was _hers_ , dammit. He was supposed to stand by her and help _her_ out. Couldn’t he tell that she was upset? Couldn’t he tell that she was just lashing out? Couldn’t he tell that she needed him right now?

Where was all of that vaulted intelligence?

But she knew she couldn’t hate Shika. This wasn’t his fault. Not really.

So she hated her former female friend instead, and with a passion that almost surprised her. Who was she to so easily dismiss their friendship? Who was she to steal her best friend? Who was she to change so goddamn much without ever reaching out? Who was she to look like she was in so much pain?

And in the end Ino internalized.

_Why wasn’t she enough?_

Ino was barely aware that Chouji had led her to the restaurant by the arm until she was looking into her sensei’s face. And she could barely stop from propelling herself into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso.

She needed reassurance so desperately. Didn’t she deserve some?

Asuma-sensei barely hesitated before he returned her hug, patting her back in a reassuring manner, and Ino suddenly became aware that she was crying. And although she was rather ashamed to be crying in public, in front of people she had always tried to remain strong in front of, she couldn’t deny that the release felt wonderful. Reassuring. These were her people, and they supported each other no matter what. Insensitive pink-haired brats aside.

They only stayed in that position for a few minutes, but afterwards Ino made sure to give her sensei the biggest smile she could in gratitude.

The man smiled back, and nudged his two students around a table crammed into the corner. He looked at Ino, who had removed a compact mirror from her hip pouch and was busy wiping under her eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Her father asked this question all the time, and Ino had become very comfortable with recounting events in her day and describing her feelings. And she completely trusted Asuma-sensei and Chouji.  So she nodded, and then told both of her teammates some of what she had been feeling.

Asuma-sensei frowned afterwards. “I didn’t know you were having nightmares, Ino.”

Ino laughed disparagingly. “There are more important things going on right now that deserve more attention.”

Asuma-sensei shook his head in disagreement. “Your health and happiness will always be important to us. Would you like to see a counselor that could help you work out some of your issues?”

Ino thought about it logically. Maybe they could tell her about some useful coping strategies so she wouldn’t have to rely on her team as strongly? So she could support them too? “Sure sensei.”

Asuma-sensei smiled, and then frowned, and Ino watched this change in expression curiously. She was absentmindedly aware of Chouji flagging down a waitress in order to order appetizers out of her periphery.

He started talking, and the strange turn of his lips made the words awkward. “As for Sakura-san, I don’t believe you should completely give up on your friendship just yet. You need to give her some time, but I am sure she will come around. She has been having a rough time recently, and she probably feels rather depressed and isolated.”

Ino frowned, curious, but somehow irrationally offended that he was defending Sakura. After all, he was supposed to be on her side, right? So her tone was probably sharper than it needed to be. “Why, what happened?”

Asuma-sensei frowned again, but it seemed sad this time. “You know that I was stationed to conduct a search and rescue around the civilian quarters following the attack? I found her father buried in rubble, and word of mouth is that she spent the first week after the invasion watching her mother pass away in the hospital.”

The shock of his statement hit slow and cold, but the layered guilt felt quick and sure. Oh kami, her parents… But Ino looked around at the table thoughtfully. “What about her team?”

She couldn’t fathom how much it would hurt losing her parents, but she knew that as long as she had her team, she could survive almost anything.

Asuma snarled slightly in a rare demonstration of temper, and Ino knew that he was thinking about Kakashi-san. Or rather, Kakashi-san sending their then Genin teammate to accompany his charges as they made their way after an unstable bijuu in the middle of an invasion. All three of them had been very upset at the man for sending Shika out there, especially because those actions led to him taking on an ambush of Sound-nin completely alone.

"As far as I know, Kakashi hasn't made any inquiries into her situation. I doubt he knows."

And then, with a voice saturated in frustrated anger and bitter resignation-

“The man should never have been made an instructor.”

Well, alright.

It was at this point that Ino saw a familiar head poke his way into the door of the restaurant, and was about to call out, feeling so relieved and happy and…

She stopped when she saw a pink-headed girl follow him in.

Ino frowned and clutched her hands to the table edge anxiously. She tried to think this through rationally, tried to force herself to forget the charged feelings of their last meeting. Sakura was her friend. And her parents had died. That was shitty, and she couldn’t blame Shika for going after and comforting her.

But to bring her here?

This was her team. Hers. Hers. Hers. And perhaps she was clinging to that idea a bit possessively, but the stress of the day, the stress of the last few weeks, and a lack of sleep gave her a mental state that made her rather desperate for reassurance. Which would require some goddamn consistency. And what exactly was Shika doing leading Sakura to the table with his hand pushing her back like that? When had they reached that degree of familiarity?

Why was no one telling her anything anymore?

They reached the table. Shikamaru actually spoke up without needing to be prompted, and he didn’t complain about the circumstance in his typical passive aggressive way. What?

“Hey guys. I hope you don’t mind that I invited Sakura to join us?”

Asuma-sensei was quick to offer a smile. “Of course not, Shikamaru. Sakura-san, why don’t you sit down?”

Everyone sat, and a waitress came and was quick to hand out menus and take orders for drinks. Ino spent the time observing everyone at the table. Chouji was engrossed in the menu in front of him, but everyone else paid little attention to the laminated paper. Sakura was staring awkwardly down at the table, fidgeting with the wraps on her hands. Asuma-sensei was giving Sakura a critical once-over, frowning intently. And Shikamaru alternated between nudging Sakura’s shoulder encouragingly, and giving Asuma-sensei a weighted look.

It finally got to be too much for her, and Ino was prepared to say something- anything- when Sakura spoke up first.

“I’m sorry Ino.”

What?

Ino felt a bit like a deflated balloon.

She must have said that out loud, because Sakura elaborated, tilting her head up in a fashion that was so like the shy, uncertain five-year-old Sakura that Ino felt like crying all over again, overwhelmed. “I hurt you. I called you Yamanaka and said I didn’t care. I didn’t even realize-” she paused and gave Shikamaru a significant look, and Ino realized that Shikamaru had told the girl how hurtful her words had been.

So he was aware of her pain? And he was still looking out for her? Ino looked at Shikamaru for confirmation, who met her gaze with a knowing smirk.

Ino huffed in exasperation, but… she couldn’t stop the relieved smile.

Sakura kept talking. “I just… it feels like all anyone cares to talk about are Sasuke and Naruto. And I get it, I really do. Compared to them, I’m weak, and pathetic, and…unremarkable,” she gave a bitter laugh, “Not even my level of suffering is up to par. But!” She paused, and then looked at Asuma-sensei with wide eyes. “Does that make me _expendable_? Am I just… _kunai fodder_?”

Ino looked over at her sensei, and saw that he had gone very, very still. That didn’t bode well. And the concern on Shikamaru’s face gave credence to her suspicions. Although Sakura didn’t seem to notice, and Ino wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Asuma-sensei’s voice was soft, despite the tension in his face. “Why would you think that?”

Sakura’s stare was almost accusing, the twist of her mouth sour. “Why else would they put me on a team with Copy Ninja Kakashi, the last Uchiha, and the Kyuubi container? How could I possibly compete? Or were they truly expecting me to somehow mediate?”

The Kyuubi container? Did she mean Naruto? Ino looked at her sensei and saw that he was frowning, and he glanced at all of them furtively out of the corner of his eye. Ah. Yes it did, and apparently they weren’t supposed to know.

“You are teammates. You shouldn’t have to compete _or_ mediate. Teamwork is about cooperation.”

Her answering tone was soft, but flat. “You can’t cooperate with a liability, Asuma-san. You can protect them, and discourage them, and ignore them, but to include them would put everyone at risk.”

Asuma’s hands clenched in front of him in a discomforted manner. Why was he upset? “You are a genin, Sakura-san. All genin are liabilities to some extent because they lack the experience to be prepared in every kind of situation. That is why they have jounin instructors. To gain that experience through supervision so no one is truly at risk.”

Sakura shook her head, and Ino was a little surprised to see water form at the corner of the pinkette’s eyes in what looked to be frustration. “That’s not true. Most genin participate in D-level missions, which are usually chores or odd jobs. That hardly prepares them for missions outside of the village.”

Asuma shook his head. “I am not just talking about missions, Sakura. As a team you should be preparing for every eventuality. Establishing, as a team, different travel formations based on different clients for escort missions, effective ways to gain intelligence in different scenarios, how to strategize while incorporating all of the strength and weakness of your teammates. And you should be developing your skills, both individually and as a unit.”

Based on how wide Sakura’s eyes had gotten, it was obvious that her team had not worked on any of these issues. She blinked back overwhelmed tears, but a trickle still fell from both eyes. “And how do you prepare for the stress? The blood, and the pain, and the guilt, and the _fear_ …” The speed of her words quickened, although she cut off with a whisper.

Asuma’s gaze was steady. “Do you need to see a counselor, Sakura-san?”

Sakura froze, and her eyes filled with dread. Her wrists snapped defensively to her chest in panic. Ino had been trained to read body language since she was a girl, and these particular actions were very familiar, but on Sakura? Over something like therapy?

“No- no, thank you Asuma-san. But thank you for asking.”

She shook, and Shikamaru was clearly concerned. He reached a hand out to grip her shoulder, and Sakura clutched it like a life-line.

For some reason, it only struck Ino then. That something was very wrong. Hearing about the death of her parents is one thing, but this…

Ino looked at Asuma and saw that he was tense and upset again, but that didn’t stop him from reaching out with delicate touch. His hand stopped halfway across the table when he saw the girl in front of him flinch. “Sakura-san? Is there something wrong?”

“Nn-no. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just been… hard.”

Shikamaru spoke up again. Ino’s brow raised when she realized this was another careful demonstration of tact that seemed utterly unlike the boy. “Actually, Asuma-sensei, one of the reasons I invited her here today was because she is looking for an instructor. Her parents were civilian, so she doesn’t really know anyone outside of her team. Do you know of anyone that might be able to help her?”

“What does she intend to train in?”

It didn't escape Ino's notice that her sensei didn't even bother to ask about Kakashi-san.

Shikamaru gave Sakura a significant glance, who answered through pursed lips. “Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, and Genjutsu. And perhaps Fuinjutsu? At least the basics.”

Asuma was frowning again. “That is an odd bunch. I might. But I would need to talk to them about it first. Why don’t you attend our team training the day after tomorrow? It will give you something constructive to focus on, and I can invite your potential instructor to observe your abilities. That is as long as your guys don’t mind?”

He shot them all a hesitant look. Shikamaru was the first to support the idea. “I don’t mind. How are you going to design the training regimen? If it is actually going to be an evaluation, it would need to be holistic.”

Asuma smiled at him. “Well, maybe that can be your first unofficial act as a chunnin. You can help me design it.”

The boy immediately frowned at the prospect of work, but Ino could see that his eyes were locked on Sakura in a calculating manner. “Troublesome…” the complaint was made almost absentmindedly.

Clearly he didn’t mind that much.

“Slacker.”

Shikamaru’s lips turned up.

Ino exaggerated a thoughtful hum, which drew the attention of everyone at the table back to herself. Because although Ino didn’t mind Sakura’s participation in their training session, she wanted her opinion to be heard too. There were other members of this group besides Shikamaru. “I guess I don’t mind. After all, she’ll be able to witness how awesome I have become over the past few months. Isn’t that right, Forehead?”

Sakura gave her a small smile. “In your dreams, Ino-pig.”

Something in Ino settled after hearing the girl’s rebuttal. Some of that fear relaxed, and Ino was happy to hear that not everything had changed.

Asuma-sensei looked at the last member of their group. “Chouji?”

He looked up from the menu and gave Sakura a smile. “Nah, I don’t mind. Ino, what are you going to get? You should order a real meal. Salads are stupid.”

Ino huffed. “You wouldn’t understand how important it is for a woman to maintain a certain figure. Right Sakura?”

The girl gave her a tired smile, and then, “Actually, if you want to get any stronger, protein is the way to go. If you’re that worried about calories, you can just run it off. For a shinobi, there can never be too much running.” She gave that statement like she was repeating a well-rehearsed argument.

Chouji turned and smirked at her delightedly. “See? _Protein_. That means _meat_.”

Ino looked at her female friend, pretending to look stricken. “I’ve been betrayed. Next you’ll be telling me that you can’t go shopping because you’re too busy playing old man games like shogi.” Ino looked at Shikamaru and Asuma-sensei in exaggerated exasperation.

Sakura just blinked, with this adorable look of confusion on her face. “But I like shogi?”

Shikamaru turned to her with renewed interest. “Do you really?”

Sakura looked at the boy with a raised brow. “Yes?”

“Hm.” He smiled thoughtfully, and Sakura responded by frowning at him suspiciously.

The waitress interrupted with appetizers, which Chouji responded to with his usual enthusiasm for all things food-related. He made a point to set a couple of meat skewers onto her plate, before reaching over and adding a couple more to Sakura’s. He gave both of them a pointed look.

Sakura just smiled, and popped the end of the skewer in her mouth. After at least 15 seconds of pouting, once she was sure she had everyone’s attention, Ino followed suit. Chouji and Sakura cheered, and Ino couldn’t stop the smile.

This was nice. Ino was already starting to feel a lot better.

The next half an hour was spent gorging on hors d'oeuvres and giggles, and the rest of Ino’s stress melted off of her form. By the time Sakura had gotten up to leave, Ino was feeling positively normal. She jumped out of her seat to give the pinkette a hug, which she returned tightly. The girl also made it a point to hug Shikamaru from behind, who gave her a disgruntled look, although both girls could tell he wasn’t actually offended. Then Sakura looked at Chouji, unsure for a moment what to do, before the cheery boy got out of his seat and gave her a quick hug as well.

Oh, this was really nice.

Finally, she stopped in front of Asuma-sensei, suddenly looking withdrawn.

“Asuma-san, I just wanted to offer my condolences for your loss. I am sure it has been hard for you.”

The older man smiled kindly. “Thank you Sakura-san. I appreciate the sentiment.”

Sakura smiled as well, bowed gratefully, and then excused herself from the restaurant.

Asuma-sensei motioned for the three of them to sit and come close.

“I suppose it doesn’t need to be said that the information about Naruto does not leave this table?”

They shook their heads.

He smiled, and then occupied himself getting out a cigarette and lighting it absentmindedly. He poignantly ignored Ino’s glare at the action, which made her huff.

“Good. Now tell me what else you learned.”

He looked at Chouji first, who frowned thoughtfully. “She purposely didn’t look at the menu, and didn’t eat very much. The crack in her lip was made worse with dehydration. I am guessing an eating disorder caused by depression and anxiety? Although I would need to know how much she eats privately to know for sure. And the problems are rooted deep- she was easy to cheer up, but that didn’t significantly change her eating habits.”

Asuma smiled at him, and then looked towards her. “Ino?”

Ino frowned, not particularly enjoying the act of psychoanalyzing her friend. But it wasn’t hard. “Depression and anxiety caused by a lack of support and an ingrained low self-esteem. Reluctance to see a counselor indicates the fear of discovery of a recent trauma, and the way she flinched could imply some level of abuse.” Ino continued, tilting her head thoughtfully. “She has never been interested in kenjutsu before, which indicates a new influence in her life. Potentially the abuser? She also has never worn that many bandages before. She could be covering up evidence of a physical attack, although that would be difficult to prove if she is training. And she has always been rather desperate for recognition and attention, which persisted despite Sasuke-kun’s verbal put-downs, so she might be the type to accept that kind of relationship blindly.”

Asuma-sensei looked very tired and severe following her evaluation, but he afforded Ino a small smile. “Very good, Ino. Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru was slouching in his chair, head resting on the edge of the back, tilted up towards the ceiling. His brows were furrowed. “Kakashi is ignoring her and prioritizing the training of her other two teammates. She thinks it’s because she is somehow deficient, or isn’t serious in her motivation for training, but I believe it’s because the other two are both unstable, but incredibly valuable to the village. Someone else is forcing his hand. Although her comments about expendability are entirely possible, considering that there is an invested interest in Sasuke’s and Naruto’s growth, and the needed focus would naturally require her exclusion. And a shinobi without the right training dies. The fact that Kakashi hasn’t arranged for another instructor is probably either due to pride, or a suspicion on his part that she wasn’t intending to make a career out of being a shinobi due to her previous obsession with marrying the Uchiha.”

He stopped long enough to give an aggravated sigh. “I also believe she is internalizing Kakashi’s deficiencies, so her circumstances are less about his inability and more about her own. She doesn’t seem to realize that he is just a shitty instructor. Maybe she is afraid to consider him as anything other than infallible because she is desperate for a support network. I agree with Ino that she is actively pursuing some kind of recognition, although that does not necessarily indicate an abuser. More likely, she is traumatized from recent events and terrified out of her mind, and thus unable to distinguish between threats and nonthreats with any kind of ease.”

Shikamaru raised his arms up so they were supporting the back of his head. “In Kakashi’s defense, their team has experienced some really shitty luck recently. He never would have been able to prepare them for encountering one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist on a C-rank mission, or a Sannin during the Chunnin exams. So a lot of the fear and anxiety she is going through is out of his hands, although if he adopted less of a hands-off approach she would probably feel a lot more mentally secure.”

Another sigh, and then a pointed look at Asuma. “In regards to finding her a new instructor, there are a few things you should know. Raised as a civilian, her reluctance to approach unfamiliar shinobi and her deference for authority figures seems to be ingrained, so she has not sought outside help on her own. She was discouraged to train by her parents, so has little idea about how to go about it now. And she lacks any of the supplemental instruction that comes with being in a shinobi clan.”

Asuma nodded, humming. “What does she have going for her?”

“She’s intelligent, quickly able to disseminate new information and apply them in a strategic manner. She pays attention and seems to have an intuitive grasp on tactics and base motivation. And she is determined and plays to her strength, which at this point would mean devouring half the library trying to understand everything she can about chakra application. Which because of her small reserves, probably indicates very good chakra control.”

Asuma gave an aggravated sigh, and took a long drag from the cigarette hanging idly between his fingers. Then he looked at them curiously. “To be honest, I’m surprised you guys are so interested in her. Considering all of you can’t usually muster the motivation to do anything constructive without bribery….”

Shikamaru nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I didn’t really want to intervene…”

“But?”

Her male teammate looked aggravated. “But no one was doing anything. I don’t think her team even asked her if she was okay. All I had to do was ask her about what was going on, and she broke down in tears. I just… I guess I just happened to be there. But it’s Sakura, you know? We’ve known each other for years.”

“Is that how you guys feel as well?”

Ino gave the man a hard look. Like he didn’t know already. “Forehead is my friend. Of course I want to help her out.”

Chouji shrugged. “I mean, I don’t really know Sakura-san very well or anything. But we are from the same village, and we will probably be on missions together in the future. We need to learn how to help each other out.”

Huh. That was surprising astute coming from Chouji.

Asuma-sensei nodded. “Well then. I guess we need to plan for a training regimen. Shikamaru, I’m putting you in charge.”

“Come on…”

“You’re a chunnin now, it will be a good experience.”

“You just don’t want to do any work-”

“Oh, I think I see Kurenai. I should probably check in to see how she’s doing. I’ll come check in on you sometime tomorrow!”

All three of them watched as he swept from the room.

Shikamaru frowned at the door. “And he calls me a slacker.”

 

* * *

 

Sakura walked to Ueda-san’s house to complete her D-rank mission with a skip in her step. While painting a fence wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world, she was feeling better than she had in a long time. This offer of support and direction was so fantastic and so unexpected, and she felt _so_ relieved… She was careful to apply the paint evenly, and then absentmindedly dotted the hard to reach places with a smaller brush as she started to plan. After all, she had an evaluation in two days and she wanted to present the very best version of herself to this new potential instructor.

She had a rough schedule determined by the time she made it back to her apartment.

She wandered into her bedroom in order to grab a set of clean clothes so she could take a shower and wash the paint from hands and arms, and stopped for a moment to look at the letters posted on the wall above her dresser. Which consisted of her entire correspondence with her new penpal.

Something looked out of place. Something new, that niggled at the back of her brain.

 

She absentmindedly looked over all of the letters trying to determine what was off about the scene, and verified the letters that were familiar.

_Sakura,_

_I am grateful to see that you have established a line of correspondence. I know you were rather anxious about me following my discovery, but please be assured that I want to help you. You have nothing to fear from me._

_And in response to your questions:_

_-My full name is Uchiha Daichi._

_-I am male._

_-I am seventeen years old._

_-I am a shinobi, jounin-rank. And in case it needs to be said, my allegiance is to you, although I am technically affiliated to Kohonagakure. You should have asked._

_-Another thing you didn’t ask, but I think you should know. I specialize in fire and wind based ninjutsu and kenjutsu._

_-I have no idea why my favorite flower should have any bearing on this conversation, but a camelia._

_-I like watching thunderstorms, stencil artwork, and training. I’m also partial to camping on the beach._

_Another thing you should know. I would greatly appreciate it if we could start a sword collection. I will participate in the missions to build the funds if necessary._

_-I dislike the smell of cauliflower, the sound of insects next to my ear, and waking up in the middle of the night because I am cold. And child-trafficking, which is beyond despicable._

_-My favorite animal is an owl._

_Which I intend to make my animal summon. I had been meaning to discuss that with you, actually. You need to find an animal summon- they are incredibly useful. Ask your sensei for more details._

_-Yes I have a past. It seems odd that you would ask that without demanding any of the details, but yes I have memories._

_-My nindo: Death and suffering is never necessary._

_In regards to our situation; yes, I can see everything that you see. But I do not know absolutely everything about you. I am an inhabitant, a guest per se, but I am not you. To that end, I would appreciate it if you would take the time to answer all of the questions you asked me on a separate sheet of paper in your own time._

_Until next time,_

_Daichi_

Sakura remembered reading it for the first, feeling completely out of her depths. She really didn't know what to do about the fact that this alternative personality in her head was apparently an Uchiha. A helpful, strangely verbose Uchiha, but still… What in the world was that supposed to signify? She had read that these personalities were triggered by trauma and stress, but what determined who would appear? Why an Uchiha?

She was ungodly curious about his past, but she didn’t feel comfortable asking about his memories for the same reason she had never prodded Sasuke. It was more than tact- the way the civilians had whispered about the fate of the Uchiha clan made the act seem taboo.

Also important to note; the fact that he described himself as an inhabitant was also rather startling. Inner Sakura existed as her own personality, but was also clearly an extension of herself. This was clearly an individual who felt he had the autonomy and agency to declare himself an entirely different person. Which, while this was congruent with what she had read about alters, was an overwhelming reality to accept in person.

Because what could she do but accept it? In the mean time she intended to read up on the condition some more, but this did not seem like the kind of problem that just went away. In fact, there was every chance that other personalities would continue to appear, and that they were there to stay. And until she heard otherwise, she figured that it would be… better to form some level of cooperation and correspondence. Maybe even a friendship.

Was it strange to be friends with alternative personalities living in your head?

Probably.

And so, many of their letters following this initial introduction had been about establishing logistics and learning more about each other. She quickly analyzed the ones that were recognizable.

_Sakura,_

_Your rationale is sound. And please let it be known that I greatly appreciate the fact that you are behaving in such a level-headed manner._

_As for the questions pertaining to ‘logistics’…_

_So far I have appeared in moments where you appear to be under a lot of duress, both mental and physical. I believe I would be able to come out if I was otherwise inclined, but I thought it might be rude to make the attempt without your permission. If we could establish a schedule so that I could have the opportunity to train, I would greatly appreciate it. And considering I will be training our body, you should appreciate it to._

_Perhaps in the evening or at night? Less people to notice, and I believe I am trained enough to avoid detection._

_And to answer your final question, my favorite color is actually mauve._

_What is your favorite thing to read when you have an entire day to yourself?_

_Until next time,_

_Daichi_

Her eyes quickly found the notable occasion in which he had written about what had happened during the spar with her teammates, after she had been knocked unconscious.

_Sakura,_

_You should know that I made an appearance during your spar earlier today. We will need to experiment in order to establish if I make an appearance every time you lose consciousness through unnatural means. What if you were drugged or poisoned? Is only one of us affected?_

_This could be extremely useful to know considering our line of work._

_But yes, the spar. I didn’t want to bring attention to our situation, so I attempted to apprehend them as quickly as possible. Still, I believe your sensei may be suspicious. Read the following scrolls on chakra point manipulation before your next practice, just in case he makes any inquiries. He has agreed to teach you a genjutsu, so be prepared for that. With your level of chakra control, you should already be investing time in genjutsu training. Much of the information you need can be read (I took the liberty of acquiring some scrolls and books from the jounin archives. If you don’t feel comfortable returning them, wait and the next time I am out I will do it for you). It would be helpful, however, if you were able to engage in practical instruction with an experienced teacher._

_And for your question, my favorite meal is actually miso nikomi udon soup._

_Have you ever tried to draw? Sketch? Paint?_

_On a not-completely-unrelated note, would you mind if I painted the walls in our house? They are rather… empty._

_Until next time,_

_Daichi_

And finally she found the one that was out of place. A new note, posted closest to the top of her dresser in cheery yellow stationary outlined with flowers, which looked odd against the boy's crisp, meticulous handwriting style.

_Sakura,_

_I couldn’t help but notice that you do not have any traps surrounding your apartment. Also, that you seem to be displaying these letters on the wall where anyone can see them. I appreciate that you seem to value our correspondence, but it would benefit both of us if you were a little more nondescript._

_Until next time,_

_Daichi_

Sakura supposed he had a point. Not that she had ever invited anyone into her room in the short time she had been living there, but… if her experiences as a shinobi had taught her anything at this point, it was that you should always prepared for the unexpected. Because bad luck seemed to linger around their team in suspicious quantities.

With that in mind, she took down all of the letters and sealed them in a scroll. Internally satisfied that her admittedly conservative attempts at fuinjutsu had been successful thus far, she threw the scroll on top of a growing pile of scrolls accumulating in the corner of her closet (taking a few seconds to see where it landed and memorize where it was), before she grabbed her clothes and headed for the shower.

It was while she was under the steady stream of hot water that her body relaxed out of the giddy anticipation that had filled her chest since walking out of the restaurant. The depression was welcome because it also helped to ease the anxiety that was bubbling up at the thought of her impending examination. Under the stream of moisture, Sakura forced herself to breathe evenly, and revisit the plan she had devised during her earlier mission.

By the time she stepped out of the shower and put on some workout clothes, Sakura was filled with a steady resolve as she went to her training mat. Stretches took almost twenty minutes, but she felt ridiculously limber after she was through. She considered, absentmindedly, that she should really consider warming up at the beginning of training sessions. All of the boys on her team were rather spry.

Next, she ran through every kata drill she knew, taking the time to swing her entire body into the movements and pivoting, which was what really allowed for some strength to develop behind the actions considering her small frame.

Remembering her attempts at experimenting with chakra during her spar with Naruto’s clones, Sakura decided to attempt her kata exercise over again, gathering chakra in her fists and gaining familiarity with the way the pulses of energy settled between her knuckles and in her fingertips as she directed each movement with as much precision and efficiency as she was able. The concentration it took to maintain the level of control needed to even the flow and amount took her somewhat off-guard. She realized this is something she would need to practice if she wanted to be able to utilize chakra in this way consistently.

Next, Sakura resumed her attempts into bukijutsu, which because she did not have a handy dandy training post, entailed kenjutsu. Still rather wary of the katana still lying on the floor in her bedroom, Sakura picked up one of the tanto lying across the floor in her living room.

Over the last week she had gotten used to the length and weight of the blade, and she had now begun the process of extending the blade as a part of herself. She tried to grip the handle in different ways, and curiously began to cut into the air in front of her. Once that became boring, she decided to attempt to throw the short sword and attempt to catch it at the handle.

Which turned out to be a terrible idea. Only a few attempts in, and her grasp on the handle slipped, which caused the blade to land on her thigh and slice a decent cut into the flesh before gravity pulled it to a clatter on the floor.

Stupid. Stupid. Why did she think she could do that?

_She can’t do anything right, can she?_

Sakura fairly stomped her way into her kitchen, more than a little peeved at her unusual display of recklessness. She turned the faucet and absentmindedly brought the bloody blade up to the sink, before realizing that there was no water.

Sakura stupidly thought to herself that she had forgotten to pay her water bill, before realizing that she was living in an apartment complex and utilities was handled by her landlord.

So why was the water out? She looked down and saw that her cut was bleeding profusely enough to leak streams of red down her calves and onto the kitchen tile. She should probably leave. Blood would probably by a real pain to scrub out of the grout.

But where could she go to wipe it off? Maybe she could just find their training ground and rinse off in the river?

Sighing, Sakura grabbed her medical pack and, still holding the bloody tanto, exited her apartment.

She almost ran into someone who was standing at her door. Sakura startled back a step, but almost immediately recognized the man, distinguishable by his long spiky dark hair, and a thin bandage draped across his nose. He had been an assistant in the Chunnin Exams.

“Hagane-san?”

The chunnin looked surprised to see her there. “Haruno-san? What are you doing here?”

Sakura felt a brow raise as she peered at him curiously. “I live here?”

The man blinked. “You were made a chunnin?”

Sakura shook her head, and laughed a familiar self-disparaging laugh. “No. But they ran out of room in the genin housing complexes.”

Hagane-san hummed thoughtfully, before casually looking down. Sakura could pinpoint the exact moment he saw the streams of blood beading down her leg, because he stepped back a bit startled. He was about to say something about it, looking more than a little concerned, but Sakura waved him off before he could mention it.

“You were about to knock on my door?”

“Ah… oh, yeah. Is your water off too?”

Sakura nodded, looking annoyed. “Yes, which is why I was leaving my apartment. I need to wash the blood off.” She looked down at all of the bloody things attached to her person in exasperation.

The man saw the red-soaked sword, and let out another thoughtful hum. “Weapons training?”

Sakura let out a rather unladylike noise. “Attempting. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

His eyebrows raised to his forehead in surprise. “So you thought you would just buy a blade and have at it?”

The idiocy of this action was more than implied by his tone. Sakura didn’t really know how to respond because she hadn’t been the one to buy the blade, but she shrugged because she had been the one to play with it and accidentally injure herself. “How else would I have gotten familiar with it?”

Hagane-san led out a short laugh that sounded slightly incredulous. “You could have gotten a wooden practice sword? Or found an instructor?”

Sakura shrugged again. “I don’t really know anyone that uses a tanto.”

Another thoughtful hum. Then, “Izumo-kun might be able to help you out. But he hardly does anything for free. How well can you cook?”

Sakura brows furrowed. “Well enough?”

Hagane-san nodded decidedly. “Good. Then you can make us dinner in exchange for an impromptu lesson. I would hate to learn that my next-door neighbor killed herself because she had no idea how to train with weapons and I did nothing to assist her. Izumo-kun’s favorite food is daikon salad and thick fried eggs, and I like oden, so I would advise shopping before we come over.”

What?

Suddenly the man gave her blade a strong, scrutinizing look. “How are you maintaining the blades? You were about the wash the blood out with water, right? Have you water-proofed the steel with oil?”

Sakura felt a bit taken aback at his sudden intensity. “No I haven’t?”

“If you don’t proof the blade, you leave it vulnerable to surface rust and could potentially dull the edge. Do you have any weapon oils in your apartment?”

Sakura thought to the odds and ends that Daichi had purchased that were still shoved into a corner of her bedroom. “Possibly?”

Hagane-san shook his head. “That’s no good. I’ll bring some over tonight. We’ll come over at six?”

Sakura felt very out of control of the situation, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. As it was, her reply was weak. “Sure.”

“Good.” He paused, and then looked at her thoughtfully a few seconds in an evaluating manner. He added, “How clean is your apartment?”

Sakura felt her lips purse, feeling affronted. “Clean?”

Hagane-san gave her a crooked smile. “Sorry, but Izumo-kun’s a bit of a neat freak. I just wanted to be sure.” Then he gave one of those lax waves many of the men in her life seemed to be fond off, and went back into his apartment. Which was, indeed, right next to hers.

Well then. Sakura felt strangely resigned to her new evening plans, but apprehensive to have near strangers over at her apartment alone. But her earlier attempt to be social had turned out alright, so maybe she should have a little faith? Step one seemed to be washing off the blood and wrapping her leg. And then, apparently, she was going to stop at market on her way back. At least the daikon salad was easy to prepare, but oden? Did she even own a donabe? She didn’t think so… Something else to pick up.

And then, of course, she needed to make it back to her apartment with enough time to scrub the blood from the floors before her company arrived, not wanting to be accused of lying about the state of cleanliness in her home.

They were lucky she actually liked daikon.

 

* * *

 

Kamizuki Izumo was surprisingly quick-witted. Sakura had no idea _why_ she was surprised; perhaps because her first impression of the man had been somewhat lacking, or because men their age did not generally exchange witty repertoire with thirteen-year-old girls? Both, probably?

In any case, the two Chunnin had bustled into her house at almost exactly six, and sat at her kitchen table bantering in ridiculously good spirits.

Kamizuki-san had given her a curious once-over at the door, eyes lingering for a moment on her dark clothing and bandaged limbs, before he looked up at her face and took off his shoes with a smile.

Hagane-san, the instigator of the evening, reassured his friend as they made their way through her apartment. “Don’t worry Izumo-kun. I told her about all of your favorite dishes. It should be a good dinner.”

The man looked back at his friend with a raised brow. “How accommodating of her.”

His friend just grinned. “Well, we’re doing the girl a favor, after all. I didn’t see any problem to it.”

Kamizuki-san just shook his head for a few moments in exasperation, before sending her an apologetic smile. “Apologies, Haruno-san. Kotetsu-kun gets these ideas in his head that are little better than hair-brained schemes, and it’s hard to discourage him.”

Sakura was quick to reassure him. “No, I don’t mind at all! If you guys can offer me any help, I would be grateful.”

She brought out the requested food, and was pleased that they both made gratifying sounds of enthusiasm and appreciation. Hagane-san was especially vocal, and Sakura giggled thinking he sounded like a more mature version of Naruto.

Hagane-san started his inquires as he happily bit into a boiled egg. “So why did you decide to start training with weapons?”

Sakura considered the question for a moment. Had she actually _decided_ to train with weapons? It was more like Daichi had given her a resource that she felt obligated to take advantage of. And then after she had gotten enough practice, after each throw was consistently smooth and accurate, it felt good to do. It was nice to feel like she was good at something. It made her feel like practicing something enough could actually help her improve, which was a much-needed confidence boaster.

But to answer his question? The reason she was suddenly so desperate to train at all?

“I don’t want to die.” She said it as matter-of-factly as she was able, trying not to make it sound as if she were whining. Sakura was very aware of the fact that these men were close to Kakashi-sensei’s age. They had probably lived through the last Shinobi War, and witnessed some rather unsavory shit. She was sure her experiences couldn’t compare.

But both men immediately sobered.

Hagane-san opened his mouth and started to say, “That’s…” but he didn’t seem able to continue.

“Depressing,” Kamizuki-san offered for him, taking a careful spoonful of the oden broth.

Sakura shrugged. Probably. But- “I… am not brave. And I’m not strong enough to have the right to do things for the sake of other people. Not yet. I need to be more reliable first. But that would require me not dying.” She finished the statement with a bitter smile.

Hagane-san just nodded. “There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay alive.”

Kamizuki-san agreed. “Nobody is asking you to be the hero.”

Sakura couldn’t stop herself from snorting. That was patently not true. A lot had been asked from her team since its formation, and the boys have each acted the part of the hero. Why else would they have named a bridge after her blonde teammate? She was the only one emulating a damsel in distress.

Hagane-san made an inquiring sound as he reached over and nibbled on some of the daikon salad.

Sakura frowned, and tried to explain. “They still seem to expect it. Being a shinobi appears to mean committing to an ever expanding series of heroic acts, but I…” She took a shuddering breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Just thinking about it, Sakura could feel the edge of anxiety tense her fingers and forearms, and creep up towards her chest. “It’s hard. When people are dying, and you’re not strong enough.”

Both men gave her another grim nod, as if they understood exactly where she was coming from. The commiseration shared with that action alone surprised Sakura. It was… comforting. Misery loves company perhaps?

And then Hagane-san gave her a high wattage smile, and Sakura’s ‘Naruto is about to say or do something stupid’ senses started tingling. “Well, you’re a good cook!”

Kamizuki-san snorted.

“And-” Hagane stopped to give a playful glare at his best friend, “After we are done with you, your bukijutsu skills will be the envy of the village. We’ll make it difficult for anyone to even get _close_ to killing you.”

Sakura couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud at his presumption. “You sound very confident. Are you sure you are that good at teaching?”

“We’ll find out soon enough.” Both men shared smiles indicative of some inside joke, and feeling slightly awkward, Sakura took a big bite of daikon salad. It really wasn’t bad, considering she had never made the dish before.

They continued to eat comfortably for the next ten minutes, the conversation light and easy, before both men got up and followed her into the living room. Hagane-san immediately took point. “Alright. To start with I want to know every weapon you have in this house. Lay them out here on the mat.”

Sakura stared at him curiously for a moment, before she began emptying her pockets and packs. She released the naginata from the scroll. And then she went and collected everything else Daichi had purchased. Kunai, shurikens, a large shuriken (she had been inspired by Sasuke following their mission to Wave), senbon, tantos, a katana, a naginata, two tonfa, and a kubotan laid out next to each other on the rubbery mat.

Both men looked more than a little impressed. Kamizuki-san turned to her with a raised brow, “All of this just because you were afraid to die?”

Sakura felt very defensive. She didn’t want to allude to Daichi’s existence if she could help it. But finding an adequate excuse was easy. “Facing one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist, Orochimaru, and a bijuu may have made me a little paranoid.”

They blinked at her in surprise, and it suddenly occurred to Sakura that they would have no way of knowing about her experiences. For some reason she had just assumed that everyone knew.

Hagane-san was quick to bounce back. “Do you know how to use any of them?”

Sakura shrugged. “I have a decent grasp on everything taught at the academy. Kunai, shuriken, and senbon. But as you can see-” she gestured to the weapons laid out in front of her, “-I have an interest in expanding my knowledge.”

Kamizuki-san was already nodding absentmindedly, stroking the mask covering his chin thoughtfully. Then he shot an assessing gaze at her legs and arms. “How is your strength and stamina?”

Sakura gave them a sheepish smile. “In the works.”

“Hm”. Both men stopped to look at each other, and managed to communicate with each other nonverbally again. Sakura wondered off-hand what that was like, and if she would ever meet anyone she connected to well enough to be able to pull that off.

Hagane-san was the one who spoke up. “Right, well, this training will probably be a little more intensive than what we had in mind, but if you are dedicated enough to buy weapons and try to practice on your own, we have faith you will actually follow through with our practices and exercises.”

Sakura was surprised they were so willing to jump right into instruction. But pleased. “Of course.”

“But first,” Hagane-san continued, “I will teach you how to maintain your weapons. Not all of these weapon types receive the same treatment, so it is important to know how to handle each blade individually.”

Sakura nodded. “I would appreciate the instruction. Thank you, Hagane-san, Kamizuki-san. I know you are not really getting anything out of spending your time with me.”

Hagane-san grinned. “Call me Kotetsu-san at least, kid. And it’s no problem. But we will expect food in return, right Izumo-kun?”

Kamizuki-san smiled. “Ah. And you can call me Izumo-san. I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other in the future.”

Sakura couldn’t stop from grinning.

* * *

To be continued...

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> Hello all!
> 
> This is a long Author’s Note, but if you are at all curious to know my thought processes, bear with me…
> 
> I would just like address a few things before we move forward with this story.
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for your comments. Especially the reviewers who offered some constructive criticism. If I want to make this story into the very best it can be, those are the reviews that are needed. So thank you.
> 
> But just to address a few comments about Sakura becoming overpowered too quickly.
> 
> Sakura is not overpowered. Her alters might be (just a bit). However, our dear cherry blossom has a long road ahead of her, which will be helped by said alters, but… she is definitely not going to become strong overnight. 
> 
> The ANBU thing with Kakashi is a coincidence. That technique is probably utilized by many people (i.e. when Sasuke used it on Sakura leaving the village), but Kakashi is rather paranoid about all things ANBU. I wanted this to be an example of his fallibility and inability (at times) to utilize Occam's razor.
> 
> If it really bothers anyone I can change it in Chapter 1.
> 
> As for the Uchiha thing- first, I believe that clan affiliation and last names are so emphasized in the Naruto-universe, that it is not completely unreasonable that an alternative personality would arise from one of those affiliations. That said, Daichi is an Uchiha because Sakura was traumatized enough to need someone stronger to step in for her, and so much of her consciousness has affiliated the idea of strength and competency with Sasuke and his association with the Uchiha clan for a long time. And I am sure she was peripherally aware of the clan and its strength as a child. I wanted that impression to be the inspiration for this manifestation.
> 
> Apologies if anyone disagrees.
> 
> I also want you to know that I want to do my very best to accurately represent this disorder. To that end, here are a few remarks about the disorder:
> 
> According to healthyplace.com, on the topic of alters in DID, “These personality states must each have their own enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about the environment and self. These personality states can be thought of as alters. Alters involve marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related changes in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor function. DID alters can have different physical affects, accents, memories, ages, names, functions, genders and other traits. Collectively, all the alters together are known as the “system” in dissociate identity disorder.”
> 
> Sakura will develop several of these alters as a result of trauma. I intend for each of them to be entirely different people all living inside Sakura, who can communicate with each other and the host. As far as the Naruto-universe aspect of these individuals, they will all have different chakra reserves, elemental associations, have different affiliations (not just Konohakagure) and be capable of techniques Sakura would never have been able to execute. This is not entirely unprecedented; some real-life alters have talents and abilities the host doesn’t have (foreign language, athletic ability, etc.). I am just taking that one step farther (see below). 
> 
> Her alters will also make friendships with individuals in the village separate to the host, which I intend to have a lot of fun with.
> 
> When I alluded to the movie “Split” in the summary, I was referencing the idea discussed in the movie about the power of the mind. The idea that the differences in these alters happens, not only on a psychological level, but also a biological one (for example, the fact that some alters can have different physical conditions like diabetes, while all of the other personalities and the host are unaffected). This is why there will be a difference in chakra reserves, and I am seriously considering the development of a kekkei genkai (that only exists while that alter is in control of the body).
> 
> Apologies that this explanation was so long. Thank you so much for your support. Please continue to review. It is very, very encouraging. :)


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